Take One More Step

Angela - Lockport, New York
Entered on September 12, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50

When I feel uncertain and alone, it is inevitably one of my five senses that enable me to take one more step when otherwise I feel I cannot go on. At the threshold of my own most devastating experiences, I struggle to endure and search for the strength that literally gives me the ability to take one more step…

Not only have I faced the world alone but in the face of much opposition, betrayal, and maltreatment. During the course of my life, relationships dissipated into hollow, meaningless, and detached states. Traumatic losses brought me to the brink of desolation nearly robbing me of my ability to take that necessary one more step.

At the age of twenty-one, the sight of two caskets in adjoining rooms holding close friends gave me a feeling of abandonment that would span a lifetime including memories which would never materialize. I had to look through this emptiness with the ability to see myself taking on more step in any direction to survive the unbearable loss of a vision for tomorrow without these friends.

Twice it was the bitter taste of disregard by others and my own heartache for the loss of a baby that I had carried inside my womb. This left me with a hunger for a living child growing within me so I could take one step closer to tasting the essence of motherhood.

When I heard vulgar, disparaging words intended to shatter my soul, extreme effort was needed to carry me beyond this verbal abuse in order to overcome the complete disregard for my character and hear the sound of my feet taking one more step beyond this pain and shout that I will not give up.

On my own, with three small children, I bought a house that needed to be turned into our home. The stale smell of forsaken rooms needed to be revived to reveal the aroma of freshness. This structural renewal enabled me to take another step so I could breathe in the new life that awaited us.

Some who touched me within an intimate relationship chose to violate and deceive me on a personal level until my integrity and spirit had been destroyed almost beyond repair; it was then that I struggled to take one more step in the darkness of despair to heal my broken heart.

All of these powerful experiences fused with the positive warmth of supportive individuals and the magnificence of my children have formed me into the person I am today. Presently I am happy, healthy, educated, professionally successful, and am inspired each day to be revitalized and take one more step.