Dancing In the Rain
Human instinct. In a personal crisis, human instinct tells you to do one of two things; sit back, mope, feel sorry for yourself or fight and keep living. Of course, I having to find my own way no matter how different it makes me, did both. First stage: well, we’ll come back to that one. Second stage: don’t just wait for the storm to pass; learn to dance in the rain. This I truly believe.
Before I spill my guts onto this page, I figure that I should start with some background information so that you’re not thinking, “What the heck is this crazy girl talking about?” So, we’ll dive right into it. When I was nine, my one year old baby brother was diagnosed with Leukemia. FYI, Leukemia is cancer of the blood. I found myself asking questions that could never be answered. Why? What did I do to deserve this? Even better yet, what did HE do to deserve this in his one year life span? I pushed those questions along with everything else into the far depths of my brain; somewhere that I could never find them. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but I managed. Life went on. Four years later, he has one treatment left. It was so close that I could taste it. He has one month and this horrible nightmare is over; crap. The doctors found a cancer cell. He relapsed. Crap is definitely an understatement at this point.
Stage one: sit back, mope, and feel sorry for yourself. I didn’t cry, which probably makes me a monster. I didn’t do anything. I felt dead inside. I went into a trance. I spoke only when spoken to. I went to school, came home, and avoided my family to the best of my ability. If I didn’t have to talk to them, then it was like it never happened. I was delusional. I was depressed.
Stage two: my parents were worried. They tried everything to bring me back to life. Well, everything but CPR. They even threatened to send me to a shrink. Ha. That DID NOT go over well. Somehow, I managed to remain a zombie.
“Chloe? Are you trying to hurt your brother? Is that your goal, cause you sure are doing one heck of a job. He misses you and you won’t even give him the time of day.” Those few words of my mother’s were all it took to whip me back to reality. And let me tell you, it hurt. At that second, I learned to dance in the rain. Why make life even more miserable than it already is? I might as well enjoy the time I have with my family. I guess you could say I made the best of the situation. The clouds may be dark, but I’m having fun, and I’m allowing myself true happiness. My family was still broken, but we continued life. A few months before, you could have looked through the window and seen nothing but sadness, but now if you looked through the same window, you would see life. You would see my mom laughing, my dad with me in a headlock, and my brother on my dad’s back trying to help me. I was living again.
Learn to dance in the rain. Although it may be a long journey to get to a time in your life that you’re secure enough to overlook the bad and focus on the good, it’s well worth it when you get there in the end. Of course I still had more than my fair share of bad days, but I still danced in the rain from time to time when a big storm came to town.