It Is Never Too Late

cynthia - St Charles, Illinois
Entered on September 5, 2008
Age Group: 50 - 65
Themes: family, hope, setbacks
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I believe that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen, and that by definition, it is not faith unless it exists before the desired outcome. I believe that faith is the first cousin of hope, and that without faith, few risks would be taken in the world. I am most interested in faith as it relates to forgiveness, and in a faith that has less to do with outcomes than with process. I am interested in the journey as much as the destination, and believe that while the end may justify the means, the means must never defeat it nor contradict the spirit of the goal. I have been estranged for the past 6 years from my eldest son, after a 12 year estrangement from my own parents. This has resulted in a painful seperation from my second eldest grandson and his little brother, whom I have not yet even met. Karma may be one explaination, sowing, reaping, setting an example, but mercy and grace, healing, reconcilliation, love and tolerance are the higher lessons of forgiveness. While I have tried everything I can think of to reach my son’s spouse to no avail, and while I think I understand the factors that drive her resistance, they are very different factors indeed than those which drove me to distance from my own parents. While I initiated a reconcilliation with my own family with no promise of better treatment, I feel punished without reason by the break in contact with my son’s family. While my parents offered me no amend or even an apology, I hold out acceptance to my son’s wife. I have persisted these six years in a state of shock and horror but beleive that, though most call my dream of peace and relationship wishful thinking, miracles and healing do occur. I refuse to grieve, accept or detach as these imply closure, and I know that choices of courage, to put aside pride, to risk, to extend oneself and to be reasonable and inclusive are brave choices of faith. I take these leaps of faith as I pray that my estranged relatives one day will. I miss them dearly and know that with God all things are possible. This I Believe.