One of the most influential things in my life would have to be the fact that I’m
gay. Growing up it set me apart from all the other kids. I was picked-on on a daily basis at
school, I had no friends, felt alienated from my family and everyone in general. Even at
church I was harrassed. I coped with this for a long time by just hating everyone in
general, since they apparently hated me. Later I joined the military, where I had to keep
being gay a secret or risk getting kicked out. When I look at my life from an outsider’s
perspective all I see is an angry person lashing out, but when I’m living it, I just feel
confused that anyone in this world would care what I do with my life. My being gay isn’t
even that big a deal to me, it’s only a big deal to other people it seems. I love playing
video games, I like to walk my dog around the neighborhood, I enjoy reading; being gay is
such a small part of who I am.
I’m often asked by my friends whether or not I would take a pill that would make me
heterosexual. I always say no. My entire life would be different. It’s not that I prefer
being gay, if anything my life would be much easier and “happier” if I was straight. But
would it have been as reflective? How would I have learned what it feels like to be excluded
from what everyone else takes for granted? I used to spend the majority of my time worrying
about what other people thought about me, but now I have a whole new way of thinking. It
took me being gay to realize that I can never appease everyone. Even if I was straight,
someone would hate me for being white, or for my being from the United States, or for not
believing in their god. People that I have never met hate me. I imagine everone has someone
that hates them, for whatever reason. I try to live my life now by the simple rule of “treat
others as you would like to be treated”. I believe that everyone is on a journey towards
spiritual enlightenment and that me returning hate for hate is just counter-productive and
hurts me more than it hurts them.