Living My Way

Jingnan - Woodinville, Washington China
Entered on August 14, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I haven’t talked with my father for six months, but last weekend, my father and I finally had a chance to talk each other. I told him business is not suitable for me. However, he still thought that I’d better study Business Administration. He wants me to take over his business. He owns a hydro-power company and station. I am not interested in it. My dream is to develop online games. I told him I didn’t want to live under his glories. He said he may leave his business to my younger sister if I don’t listen to him. I hung up the phone after I heard that.

I was not surprise about his anger. I made a very terrible decision when I was in high school. I didn’t get a very good report card after junior school, but my father helped me to find a good school. The policies in this school were very harsh. I had to get in the classroom before 6:00 a.m. That meant I must get up at 5:25. I couldn’t even open my eyes when I awoke. Sometimes when I rode my bike to school, I was still in daze. I often closed my eyes when I rode my bike because they were painful. Nearly every morning my eyes were red. It was almost 11 p.m. when the all classes were over. The street lights were off. I had to ride very carefully. After one year, I told my father I couldn’t tolerate it any more. At first, he didn’t say a word. We had a horrible fight. After one week, he agreed with me to transfer to a private school. I didn’t have a lot of homework any more. I didn’t need to get up early any more. I thought I found the school I wanted. I was totally wrong until I got a very poor report card. I wasted my time.

One year ago, I left my country and went to study in Vancouver. Almost all of my classmates were Chinese. I was happy because I didn’t need to worry about friends. We spoke Chinese during break time. We went to Karaoke to sing Chinese songs. I didn’t even have a lot of chances to speak English. At first, I felt comfortable. However, soon I found my English had few improvements. I remembered my high school experience. I decided to transfer to the U.S. I needed an environment to practice English. I learned from my mistake.

I tried to send a massage to my father after I hung up. But every time I finished the message, I didn’t have the guts to press the send key. Now I just want to find a peace place to live. I want to start a new life without my family and orders. Just let me relax and never think about my major any more. Please don’t tell me what I should do. Just be in peace for once. I believe living in my way.