Joy of Infertility

Kristina - Charlottesville, Virginia
Entered on August 1, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50

I believe in the joy of infertility. What I have learned through infertility is greater than my imagination could create. For me, infertility has stripped me of the perceived control of my life, my body and my desires. But the gift it has supplied in return has been one of freedom and self awareness thought impossible.

My spirit, my self, somehow, somewhere leaked from my essence, my sense of whole being. No event, no person to blame. Only when I realized that my emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing was spiraling towards an unfocused goal, did I gain strength to take action.

With much gratitude to me and many others, I realize the joy of infertility. The outcome is not whether I will bear biological children, but more importantly, am I the being in which I remember the most joy? There are distinct memories, periods in my life, without hesitation and fear, only with determined righteousness, is how I define my being.

Because I am personally and professionally in the medical field, I cannot escape the dual reality of battling a diagnosis and helping others understand the same. In my current profession, I help guide individuals who wish to care for those who are acutely ill. It should not surprise me of the strength; courage and peace I find in those hospitalized who struggle with the worst of illness. I see part of me in them.

It is my lifelong goal to nourish and recognize the unique being of me, and the purpose of me in this uplifting and bold life I live. So, now, only ultimate smiles in the joy gained from the lessons of life. This joy, I believe.