I Believe in the Power of Prayer

Courtney - Asheville, North Carolina
Entered on July 21, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
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This I Believe…

I believe in the power of prayer. For about two years during my sophomore and junior year in high school, I suffered through depression. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or interact socially in a “normal” way. I was lonely. I was surrounded by people and felt that no one loved me. I would often just get into my car and drive for hours, crying and talking to God. One night in particular, I had just had a big fight with my sister. We fought about familiar but petty things. She told me how worthless I was because I wasn’t pretty or popular. I sat in my car for hours just screaming at God. The conversations I had in my car that night changed my life forever. I realized that when life gets hard and you get roughed up, it’s okay to yell at God. God is the one thing in my life that is always there, through thick and thin. He is the only being in my life that I can show my true emotions to, and He will still be there. That night I re-opened my communication with my God, and in the end He told me that it was okay to yell, scream, and cry. In the end, my newfound open and honest relationship with God would make me a better and stronger person. I hit rock bottom before I decided to trust God again, and I wish that for no one. Rock bottom for me was serious thoughts of suicide. All I wanted was to leave this earth and be with my “heavenly Father”. In the weeks leading up to this, I couldn’t drive because I was afraid that I might purposely wreck. I couldn’t shave my legs because I was afraid that I would purposely cut myself. This particular night, in my car, I bared my heart and soul to God. I gave my problems up to Him. I realized that I’m not a bad person for yelling at God because He already knows my true feelings. This way, I just let him share my problems with me. I was no longer “alone” as I had felt before. It is this experience that has taught me to be empathetic to others dealing with difficult situations such as depression. It is from this situation that I have been able to help others to see the light at the end of their depression “tunnel.” I don’t know for certain my future career path, but I do know that I am called to be a helper and to pray.