Forgiveness, it means survival.

ashley - kyle, Texas
Entered on June 24, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: forgiveness
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Forgiveness, it means survival.

I remember hearing my father’s voice on the other line as I tried to somehow speak and not have any type of sadness in my voice, but I couldn’t. Tears started to fill my eyes, and I could feel a big lump in my throat, like I didn’t know how to talk. Knowing my father, of course he could tell something was wrong and I had to come out with it. “Why me”? I said. “I don’t understand why it has to be so hard”? I began to grow speechless, because for some reason, after all I wanted to say, it felt as if there was nothing I could say.

That year had been hard. For the first time ever, I knew the meaning of heartbreak, and the meaning of rejection, what it felt like for someone to tell you that what you think you’re meant to do in this world, you can’t.

There was a person in my life, whom I grew up my first years of high school, and I felt very lucky to have him in my life. I thought he would be there forever, no matter how hard life would get, but I was very wrong. I felt betrayal, and I felt I had lost respect. It’s funny how people claim to be so strong, but yet lose themselves to someone else, just for a second. I had my lifetime dream of playing volleyball, shutdown. The confidence I had in myself was gone. I felt alone, and shattered. I had never been so angry, so hurt, so infuriated, that I began to think about one of the things God teaches us, Forgiveness, never existed. I felt as if I was meant to hold a grudge for the rest of my life.

Six months went by, and still I didn’t understand. I was still angry and confused. Once again I went to my father for help, and ill never forget those words he said to me that night. “You’ll never be able to move on with your life if you don’t heal those wounds that you have, they’ll always be bleeding like an actual cut. You have to close them up and not necessarily forget the past, but forgive”. And this I believe. I believe there is forgiveness. I believe God has a plan for everyone, and this is what it took for me to finally realize it. I believe in redemption, and the ability to change.

Forgiveness, it means survival. Surviving the hurt, falling and being able to pick yourself back up off the ground, even when you feel as if 100 chains are holding you down. I believe forgiveness is a step towards finding happiness. Yes, I believe that I must always forgive, but I can’t say that I will always forget. I believe in forgiveness, because without it I would have never known what it felt like to live.