who am i?

Gricelda - los angeles, California
Entered on June 9, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
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Who am I?

I believe I should be myself with no additional help imitating or impersonating someone else to be accepted. There are a number of people out there having trouble finding who “they are”, when honestly, these people have blinded themselves from their true selves. Most of all when I act different people expect me to act a certain way.

Is it a crime to got o church and accidently sin? If not, why should we judge a person for what they do? I was seven when I converted to Christianity. As a little girl I was pretty gullible and of course had the heart of a fragile flower.

Three years after converting, my mind was opened to the worlds cruelty and that’s when I heard it. They were words that dug their way into my heart almost ripping what I loved the most- knowing about God- out of me. It was no longer about God, but merely a stereotype expected of a Christian. I was sitting in the living room, two pair of women eyes staring down at me with disappointment and disbelief, “I thought you were Christian”, my sister said, followed by agreeing pair of eyes beside her, her boyfriend.

Yes, they were words like any other, but not to me. They haunted me through life. Innocently I said to myself at that moment, “a Christian shouldn’t make an idol in the form of anything, I shouldn’t misuse the name of the Lord, I should remember the Sabbath day, honor my father and my mother…” (Exodus 20:3-17). Christianity took more than believing, it took actions.

All I did was a favor of lying to my sisters boyfriend after being forced to. When the moment of truth came, tables turned on me; I was the culprit, they were the victims. I was unjustly accused.

As time passed, I kept that moment and those words in mind a Christian should basically be good. Unfortunately I stopped going to church. At times I see in others the person I became that day. Let’s just say people know I don’t like using profanity, I’m the girl who says no to drugs, I try to be good and please my parents. At the slip of a swear word I’m soon the pigeon surrounded by doves. No one believes I’ve just cursed, pulling me back to that living room.

Mimicking a “good” person changed my life. I felt timid to say anything that might cause me to go back to judgment day. With time, I learned that I turned myself into someone I wasn’t, to avoid criticism. It had nothing to do with God or my sister, but me. I changed because I wanted to become the person my sister and others expected to see. However, I realized one thing; I believe in being yourself no matter what people say because there’s always someone judging.