I believe in being honest

Denise - Ventura, California
Entered on June 5, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
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This I Believe.

I believe that being honest with yourself can lead to true happiness. Being honest with yourself means not lying to yourself, accepting you who are, not pretending to be someone else other than yourself. It means opening up, not keeping everything inside. If you are able to get past the lying and you just accept yourself, you surely will feel a whole lot better and happier with yourself.

It might be easier to ignore what you are feeling and to keep everything bottled up inside because it definitely is easier than speaking and showing how you feel, but that’s not always the best choice. Sure, it’s tough opening up, but to the lucky ones it’s just natural. Eventually you will feel sad, depressed, and angry if you keep it all inside and don’t open up and that can lead to some bad times.

I keep pretty much everything inside, and I have those moments where I’m really pissed or just sad and instead of going to a friend or someone I keep it all inside and pretend nothing is wrong. I came to realize that pretending is just so much easier to deal with. I have gotten pretty good at pretending I’m happy and I can fool anyone into thinking that nothing is wrong.

I’m starting to finally realize that what I’ve been doing all these years isn’t working. I can feel everything I’ve kept inside is eating away slowly at my heart and it isn’t a good feeling. I’m slowly learning how to open myself up, as hard as it is. It surely doesn’t help that I have trust problems. I believe in this quote so much, “It takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it.” It is scary to open up, because it’s easy for me to rely on someone to be there for me and if we, whoever it is I tell my stuff to, get in a fight, they’d go out and tell everyone my problems. I really need to get over that fear because I’m tired of feeling sad, I’m tired of lying to myself, and for once in my life, I want to be happy with myself.

My mom always told me that I was a very angry person inside and that I’m that way because I don’t open up, and I’m starting to believe her and realize that it’s completely true. It is the hardest risk I’m probably ever going to take, because it’s something so hard to do, but no matter how hard it is, no matter how scared I am, I’m going to try my best to open up, even if my body is shaking. I’m going to take this as step one in my process of opening up, of being honest with myself. Opening up in this essay will help me get started on my mission. Day by day, I will take baby steps until I’m ready, until I feel secure. I believe that you should be true to yourself and open up to feel true happiness with yourself. This I believe.