the power to forgive

Alia - Mount Prospect, Illinois
Entered on May 27, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.” This quotation is taken from Cherie Carter-Scott, and I think it fits my ability to forgive very well. There are many feelings that I have had during my life so far but the main one is anger and that is no way to live. I know that I should be able to forgive the one that has hurt me the most, it can only make me a better person, but what happens if it is too difficult, what happens if what they did is unforgivable. I believe that I have the strength and the courage to forgive and to move with my life and become the great person that God wants me to become. The certain someone that I am talking about is my father, he was both physically and verbally abusive to me and my family. Now, don’t get me wrong he was a good person sometimes, but those moments didn’t come along very often. He had put me down telling me that I was useless and that I wasn’t going to amount to anything, that broke my spirit, but now with time I realized that no one has the power to keep me down. There are characteristics that I have that are undeniably his, such as I am very stubborn, I am always think I am right, but the one thing that I inherited from him is something that I am not proud of and this my temper. I get angry very easily and sometimes I don’t know how to control it, but in no way would I ever hit anyone to solve the problem, so I guess I am different from him but the same in other ways. I am 20 years old now, and I have been through more than my fair share, I have been to court several times to explain to the judge what he had done to us, I had to go through supervised and unsupervised visitations for many years. I have been to many psychologists, and talking for me doesn’t really help, I feel that writing is more therapeutic for me. The most difficult time of my life though was probably the passing of my father, which has happened recently and I am still dealing with it today. I guess the hardest part about losing my father was that I realized that I was never going to get “ I am sorry for what I have done and what I put you through” from him. The thing that bothers me the most about him was that he never thought what he was doing was wrong. My father was a good person, but he wasn’t good to those he needed to be good with, his family.

Despite all that has put me down I believe that I have the power to forgive and I believe that God has a plan for me to make a difference in the world.