Never Forget

Lauren - Hampton, New Hampshire
Entered on May 27, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: legacy, love
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i believe that you will never forget your first love, no matter how heart breaking it was there will always be a tiny place in your heart for him whether or not I want him there. I have been hurt so badly that I am not sure that my heart will ever be the same. I want to question the heart of that other person. He said loved me so much, then how was it that I walked into his house one day to find him in bed with another girl? Sure he loved me. I loved him more than I could have ever loved myself. I just kept giving more and more of my time, telling myself that if I never saw her or heard her name that she would never be real. But of course I knew about her; Tahnya. She was never real until I saw him with her that day.

He said he was sorry, but that it was over for us. He said he did not want me to have to find out like this. He went to get her out of the house. I went and sat in his small apartment living room, waiting for him to get dressed and waiting for her to leave. I was thinking what if I never see this apartment again. What if I never smell the city again, the smell of the restaurant seeping through the walls? Then he came out, kissed her, opened the door for her and she left. It was then just me and him. He smelled like her, Chanel Number 9. I would know; that’s what I wear. He took me into the living room, got me a glass of water and sat me down. He told me this has been going on for over two months now. He said he didn’t know how to tell me because he knew that it would break my heart. He said that he loved me but he just didn’t feel the same about me anymore. He said that he would like for us to still be friends. And then he told me that I should leave because he didn’t have time for me to stay and be upset. And that was that. I never spoke to him again.

We had been together almost two years. He was my night in shining armor. Our first date was to a place called Black Fish in Boston. It was unbelievable. I had never been to a place so nice, dim lights, the smell of fresh seafood, great service. He showed me a different side of life that I had never seen before. He had money; both his parents own two successful restaurants each in Boston. He had his own credit card. He showered me with gifts. One day it was fifty roses that smelled amazing. Another time was a beautiful Tiffany’s ring. He bought me lunch or dinner when ever I went into town; which was almost every day in the summer. But it wasn’t just the money; it was the piggy back rides, the kisses on the forehead, playing lacrosse in the middle of Hanover St. at twelve at night, watching the planes take off and land at Logan, feeding his dad’s race horse at Suffolk. It was talking on the phone until five in the morning; it was the little things that made me love him. As much as I do not want him in my heart, he was my first and there is no changing that. And as much as what he did hurt me in places that I never knew existed. I believe the good things overshadowed the bad things. This has led me to believe that I will never forget my first love. He will always have a small place in my heart.