Looking to the Past in Search of the Future

Cynthia - Chicago, Illinois
Entered on May 22, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50
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“Looking to the Past in Search of the Future”

The junk drawer………a catch all place if you will. A place that we can open, put stuff inside of, and then close it only to re-open it again by choice. I was thinking about the similarities between our junk drawers and our minds. Do we not all, at times, have a mind that is so full, so unorganized, that we either have trouble with it or refuse to look inside of it until we need something? That is where the search comes in, a search that at times will lead us in places and directions that we never intended or thought of. But here’s the thing; sometimes it’s not what we set out to find, but what we uncover in our searches that truly matters. Personally, I am always searching, searching for answers to questions that perhaps do not have one, or even need one. My searches are in people and in words.

As far as people, we all have very specific and individualized reasons for the people that we allow into our lives. When it comes to those that we allow into our hearts, those reasons are even more challenging; both to decide and to explain.

When it comes to words; they have always amazed me, whether by their power to heal or by their ability to destroy. By using them we can create certainty, by denying them we live in shadows. I read books of a wide variety of subjects, from different religions to non-fiction over fiction as a preference. I do this to reinforce what beliefs I have, as well as to question my doubts. Also, to “look” at another persons life in words is indescribable to me.

In my searches I am always looking for the finish line; that being the place that I am not only comfortable being, but the place that I am content being with a strong sense of self. In talking with someone whom I not only trust, but have a great deal of respect for, I have often asked for her help in going to the finish line with me. She has been hesitant, if not resistant. Why?

Let me first introduce you to a word that I have learned from her and then I will explain. The word is “dots”. Each of us has them. There is a dot for each event, experience or memory in our life; good and bad, real or perceived. Through her, I have learned that we must align and connect these dots in order to not only understand their purpose and meaning, but also to know the same of our past.

By rushing to the finish line, we would step over and around these as if they are obstacles, when they couldn’t be further from this. We must approach and fully examine each and every one of these; both with our minds as well as our hearts. It is after we do this that we are then able to move towards and across the finish line, not only in an honest way, but in a healthy way. Also, it is after we have a better understanding of the past that we can then use it to, in a sense, re-write our futures; our futures that at most times may seem pre-determined, but by our choices and free will are clearly anything but.

In closing I give you the following: I believe that when we are searching for answers or trying to find our way, it is to our past we must look to find our direction. This direction will hopefully lead us to the place where we will find what I now believe we are all searching for and in need of. That being the truth; our truth. Hopefully, with a little luck, we will not only find our truth, but the courage to live our truth.