Questions of Faith

Neal - 60008, Illinois
Entered on May 19, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

Dear God,

Had I not ever wondered where the universe had its ends or where human beings went after perishing from this world, I would have never written this letter to you. Every day I wake up, not knowing how to act or who to truly be. Millions of books tell me what to believe, yet I have doubts. Different opinions and stereotypes circulate through on how to live one’s life, but I would like to do it my own way, individually. I want to break free of all labels, standards, rules and cages full of people with similar problems. Will you let me run naked as you have created me, without any restraints, and let me see your light without the screams and preaching of my family, church and the world of media?

But is light the concept of afterlife? I do not want to close my eyes to wake up once again in the darkness. My soul would flow through, endlessly and pointlessly. How do we, little humans, get to the mighty heavens which have been so glorified for thousands of years? How do we lift ourselves to see above the clouds and touch your palm, as Michelangelo portrayed in his painting? I am distracted from living fully at times, because I keep thinking this is a test, where everyone around me is just a subject.

I also think that we all wear masks to pretend to be a misconception of our inner selves.

When you made this world, did you want that to occur?

And when you made this world, in seven days, did you forget to merge the universe together so it would be a finite space that we could discover? No, you left us wanting more knowledge, unlimited and unoccupied light years to conquer. Where does it begin? Where does it end? As a kid I used to wake up troubled after falling off the edge of the world and never hitting the bottom. I felt helpless. Or I would dream about the boundary where space recycled itself, yet outside of this sphere I saw more space, just waiting to expand.

And what is the even the purpose of us living here? We compete in our society to neglect Darwin’s theory of natural selection, for humans the motto is survival of the fittest. Even when the best of us win and we beat our competitors; no one is ever fully satisfied. Or are we? We strive to achieve the best solutions for groups of people, from capitalism to communism, yet depriving starving children from food or taking away individual freedoms. Dear God, what is the perfect solution? Who really gets to experience the divine fruit or the warm touch of our gods which we call Heaven? With each and every step I take, should I infinitely recite the Ten Commandments or should I bow down in direction of the sun countless times day?