This I Believe

camille - wilbraham, Massachusetts France
Entered on May 19, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

In our society, getting married is seen as an accomplishment necessary to access to happiness: many people see it as a life’s accomplishment. At my age, it’s not surprising to see girls thinking about marriage, I don’t. I have always rejected the institution of marriage, never dreamt about a white dress, and never seen it as a life’s goal.

A lot of people think that I don’t believe in getting married because my parents are separated, but it’s not entirely true. Of course, the image of my parents influenced my opinion about marriage but the truth is, I don’t believe in marriage because I don’t believe that we have one love.

Marriage is all about sharing your life with someone, giving to this person everything you own and everything you are, in a materialistic way as in a spiritual way. How can you dedicate you life to only one person when you could experience and give to others? We have so many people to meet in this world, so many things to experience, but marriage keeps us away from those experiences. It just seems impossible to me to find complete happiness in the company of one person. Love works like food: once you try a new food you like, you keep eating it, but you always need to alternate with other kind of food to avoid getting disgusted and bored. Same with love, if you stay your entire life with the same person you take a risk to get repulsed along the way. Some people take this risk, and for some of them it works: my grandparents are married for 50 years now and I can still see the chemistry between them. Unfortunately, those people are rare. We can just look at the high number of divorces to understand that for many cases, marriage doesn’t work.

So why we keep looking for this one love when around us people keep divorcing? Because we hope that for us it would be different, because even if we don’t want to accept it, we always hope that true love exist as in the movies and that one day we will find the one. Because of this hope, when we fall in love we believe that this person is the one and we get married: but sometimes we just fall in love and it doesn’t mean that this person is the right one. We are meant to experience different things and it would be too bad to waste these opportunities just to get married. Because after all, what does marriage mean today, now that getting divorce is as easy as buying a new shirt?

When my dad left my mom, the first thing my mother told me was “I thought he was the one, I feel like I wasted my life”. Those words made me realize how much our illusions conducted our choices. We want to believe in true love, so we do everything to make it happen, we get married, but too often it appears to be a mistake. But true love is too often an illusion.

Getting married is a choice that I will not make while I know many others will. I hope their illusions will not bring them to get hurt. I’m not going to look for a true love that doesn’t exist but I will keep taking what life give me to experience, benefiting from the happiness that I can get.