I Believe

Tiffany - Wilbraham, Massachusetts
Entered on May 19, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

Everyone goes through good and bad times throughout their lives; it’s just how life works. Dealing with the death of a loved one is probably one of the hardest challenges to deal with, understanding it, making sense of it and accepting it are all apart of the healing process. Beyond the healing and reconciling that one goes through after the loss of a loved one, there is something more that comes from it and that would be what you learn. I for one learned the importance of believing in God and in heaven.

When I was only thirteen my beautiful eight-year-old cousin died from a rare cancer. Katie’s death made my belief and faith in God and heaven stronger than ever. It’s hard to explain how something so tragic could lead me to believe in a higher power who some would blame as being responsible for the tragedy, but somehow I did. When Katie was diagnosed with her cancer I had hope, hope that she would get better, hope that God would take care of her, I couldn’t even begin to imagine my life without her. Things don’t always happen the way you want them to, Katie didn’t get better and for awhile I had lost all hope and belief and anything that I had ever had. But when I was around Katie the vibe that she held, seemed to rub off onto me. Anything that she believed in I would too, just to make her happy. I didn’t just believe to please her but rather I believed because deep down I had always believed. I don’t think I ever truly stopped believing, rather I was just so upset and frustrated that I couldn’t blame Katie’s cancer on God but I wanted to. I wanted to know and have a reason for why this happened to Katie, but there wasn’t any. I knew God would never want this to happen to her or anyone else, but he seemed like the only one I could blame it on.

The day of Katie’s wake I sat in the room that smelled so strongly of flowers, I looked at her casket, I thanked God for taking care of her, I smiled. I knew that she was in heaven and could see me looking back at her. Some people can live their lives without believing in anything and it’s those people who I feel bad for. I tried to not believe in anything and all I felt was emptiness, perhaps it’s because I believed in something previously and without that belief I felt lost. All I know at this moment is that believing in God has made me less fearful of death, more appreciative of life, and prepared to move on in life. This belief that I have in God now gives me hope, hope that Katie is safe and enjoying herself in heaven and hope that I will see Katie again when I die.