Ruby - Fruitport, Michigan
Entered on May 15, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
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This I believe, telling someone you care is one of the most important things in life. Growing up, I have witnessed this beyond what seems a thousand times. Two friends grow distant. One wishes to contact the other but is afraid of the outcome. The frequent remark, “I’ll wait until tomorrow,” leads to weeks, and weeks to months. This is a bad habit to begin to fall in to. Generally contact is made but unfortunately, I believe this is not always the case. Sometimes, it is even too late. The matter of time is being abused and taken from being able to spend with loved ones. I do admit that I too have abused my time over and over again. The best example I can give is calling my mother at night to tell her I love her.

My mother and I have a very close relationship. I always am there for her and she for me. I would be lost without my mother. Sadly, there came one point when I wasn’t sure she knew that. See, I live with my mother now but I lived with my father for the most part growing up. My mother lives about 30 minutes away from where I attend school, so it was easier to commute living with my father. I would be with her on my weekends and it became my heaven. We went out to diner, movies, and to visit friends and family. Given the choice, I would have rather lived with my mother. Regardless I lived with my father for about two years. Every night during that time, I called her religiously just to say, “Hi, good night, I miss you, I love you” If I didn’t, you better believe my cell phone was ringing at ten o’clock p.m. That’s just how we are, best friends. I can remember back to a single psychotic week where I was so consumed in after school activities and work, this ritual stopped. My thoughts started as, “I’ll just talk to her tomorrow, I don’t have time right now” I should have caught it then; I knew what would happen. Tomorrow would become today, and I would still wait for tomorrow. Finally, calling my mother became, “I won’t be home tonight. Talk to you later…” on a good nit. Most nights I never even called.

Then, faster than I could count the five fingers on my right hand, an accident occurred. Not only my mother, but my sister as well, were involved in a car accident. I received the phone call from my uncle at the hospital letting me know that things were okay. All I could even register in the fumbled frequencies of my mind was that I could have lost her; I could have lost both of them. I remembered then that I had wanted to call the night before to say, “Hi, good night, I miss you, I love you”. But, I didn’t. I didn’t call because for an inexcusable reason. I was afraid. Today I still don’t understand what held me back. Though, a part of me believes it was simply caused by the physical distance between my mother and I, turning into emotional distance. A distance I didn’t know how to mend and it made me scared I was going to loose her. I suppose it’s a little contradicting. But, you would be surprised what your mind does unconsciously.

I have learned the hard way that there may not always be a tomorrow, so I need act today. I can’t wait for the opportunity to do and say the things I want. I have to take them. Again, I call my mother every night, whether I’m leaving school to come home, staying at a friend’s house, or whatever I am doing. I want her to know that I love her. I won’t allow myself to fall into the trap I all ready once have. I will be careful with my time. I can’t fall asleep at night knowing I may not see tomorrow, nor may she, without making sure I have spent my time well. Tell the people you love that you love them. It isn’t embarrassing or weak. I know I regret not calling that night. I’m just thankful I have had the chance to make it right.