This I Believe

I believe that state law should mandate a reserved right that siblings maintain contact with each other while in adoptive placement. When I was 17, my brother then 5 and I were placed into foster care due to neglect. I was bounced from home to home in foster care until the legal age of 18, in which they told me to “start over”. My brother whom I practically raised since birth was place in foster care under my aunts’ supervision. For unknown reasons my aunt despised me and made it very difficult to stay in contact with my brother. However, since he was in foster care the judge ruled that it is crucial that the relationship between my brother and I continue. I can remember breathing a sigh of relief as the verdict came in for I was afraid that the split in foster care would distant us forever. When the time came to place “Weston” up for adoption myself, my aunt and another part were interested in adopting Weston, now 6. The battle to gain custody was fierce. Between my aunt and me we had 3 lawyers all asking at least 350 dollars an hour! I was a full time college student and my husband was working 50 hours a week, not to mention we had an infant at the time. The judge ruled against us and in favor of the other party. We couldn’t believe it! It was unheard of that a child be place with non-relatives. My heart fell into the bottom of my shoes. I knew this family wasn’t interested in maintaining contact between Weston and I. I also knew that there was no law protecting our right to see each other once adopted. There were only two options left. The first option was to appeal the judgment, and the second to contest to the board of ethics in Michigan’s capitol, Lansing. 10, 000 dollars in attorney fees later I lost again nothing changed but our increase in debt. The board of ethics meeting was unsuccessful as well. Although, the vote was not unanimous 2 judges out of 5 felt that the social worker involved in the case was unethical in her recommendations. Weston was now adopted. I tried to mend any broken fences with his new family and for a short time that allowed me to see him for an hour, meeting at a booth at McDonalds. Weston knew the tension was rising between I and his new family .They started to cut the length and time of the visits in hopes to “wean” him off me. Sometimes Weston would mouth “I love you” to me in fear that he would get in trouble for saying it. One fatal day I received a phone call from Weston’s new mom saying that I’m not allowed to see Weston anymore, without giving me a chance to say goodbye she hung up.There was nothing I could due state law says that it is up to the discretion of the adoptive family weather or not he sees me. It is paramount developmentally that siblings with an existing bond maintain contact. Studies conclude that by separating children can lead to feelings of estrangement and insecurity. My brother and I we subjected to this type of injustice. My goal in writing this is to make the public aware that laws leave the discretion up to the adoptive parents, in which sometimes children our tore from the ones they love to pay for their parents afflictions. So please hear my heartache for myself and the millions of children that enter the foster/adoptive care systems. I urge you to write your congressmen and senators to help change the law to mandate contact between biological and adopted children and end the discontent of our next generation, for the best interest of the children.