my deepest fear: inadequacy

kade - Louisville, Kentucky
Entered on May 7, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
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My deepest fear: Inadequacy

For our finale essay of the year, my English class had to write about something that we personally believed in that we could apply to our everyday life. So for about two weeks I walked around dreading writing my essay, because I had no clue what to write about. It didn’t come to me until the day the essay was due. I was sitting in algebra class listening to the teacher discuss our homework, that I had lost the day before.

My essay was going to reference the poem Our “Deepest Fear“ by Marianne Williamson, my favorite lines from this poem are;

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate–

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us”.

The first time I heard this poem was while I was watching the movie Coach Carter, after that the poem stuck to me and I began to see it and hear it all around me. The poem seemed to apply to my everyday life, because I know for sure that I am inadequate in many ways, and that use to bother me.

When I was younger my biggest fear was being inadequate, I could never understand what I can do to be adequate to the people I tried to please. When I was in daycare, this little girl use to pick on me all the time. She would say things to me like my hair was ugly or my clothes was ugly, the fact that she would say mean things to me, would always make me feel like I was nothing. I would always try to avoid her so I wouldn’t have to face her and her hateful words towards me. When I got to elementary school, I still felt inadequate in many ways. Everyone always picked up on things faster than me, like telling time, I would always give up because I would frustrated with the work.

When I got to middle school, I changed completely. I stopped caring, I would do weird things and not even care about what others thought of me. It wasn’t until then that I realized I don’t have to be adequate for others, I just have to worry about how I saw myself. If someone thought I was inadequate, then they were only applying that to what they believed was adequate, and I didn’t care about meeting their petty standards. My deepest fear was no longer that I wasn’t inadequate, because I realized that I have the ability to be powerful beyond means.