Not One, But Many

Alexandria - Howard, Colorado
Entered on May 1, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe that if a situation presents itself a person feels multiple emotions, not just one. Sadness, hatred, loneliness, jealousy…each emotion goes hand in hand with the other, like a partnership one cannot seem to get out of. It is an epic ordeal that overtakes each and every one of us, even to those who believe they feel no emotions or are too proud to divulge them. At first, I refused to believe that people could feel multiple emotions since most can barely handle one, yet I have witnessed countless events in which I find myself proven wrong.

One such event that left me guessing my very being was the day my closest friend left me. Daniel was his name, and he had been a family friend since before my birth. He had a troubled life, what with his single mother desperately struggling to maintain a job and constantly moving the family from place to place. I remember him telling me that my visits to his house were the only thing keeping him sane, a reprieve from the harsh realities of life. Therefore when doctors discovered that he had developed a brain tumor, at the age of 17, my entire world seemed to collapse from under me. They warned both his mother and me there was nothing they could do, and that his death was imminent. Several days later, the doctor’s heeding words proved correct and Daniel passed away.

A feeling of utter horror rose and my heart threatened to cease altogether. I cried for several weeks, mourning the loss of my best friend. Never again would I see his carefree smile, or his delighted laugh. I would never hear his voice, or feel his embrace. Melancholy, I exiled myself from the world for fear of never being happy again. It was then I found myself filled with emotions, some of which I couldn’t even describe. I felt hatred towards the doctors, for being insufficient enough to help him live; I found myself scared, for if something should happen to me the doctors may not be able to save my life; and I shuddered with agonizing pain, for the thought of living life without him was unbearable.

Having mourned for nearly a month, I finally recuperated and collected myself. I knew that if Daniel was still alive he would want me to continue with my joyous life, not remain stuck in the past with a heart as black as the night. He would want me to embrace every possible emotion that pertains to happiness. Since his passing, I have a newfound respect for those whom have lost loved ones. It isn’t easy to cope with death, particularly when the reality of it strikes so suddenly. Every possible feeling you dreaded to make known, suddenly presents itself. I know this feeling well and so when I see others in this state, I can’t help but to embrace them and hold them close to my heart, whispering, “I feel your pain…but just think! No one would want you to be depressed, now would they?”