Now or Never

Caprice - San Diego, California
Entered on May 1, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: carpe diem
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I believe that being present in the moment is the only way for happiness to occur.

I was raised in Denver, Colorado and soon after high school I chose to move to Tempe, Arizona. The reason I chose to move was because I felt I wasn’t doing myself any favors in Denver. Two days after Christmas I packed up all that I could take on a plane and flew to Phoenix. At first the change of scenery was enough to keep me satisfied but as I called my friends back home day in and day out, I began to realize that I was lonely. Why had I secluded myself in the desert when everything I knew and loved was in the mountains?

The source of my loneliness was intrinsic. I wanted the same comfort that I had in high school. In Tempe, I lived right next to the campus of ASU and I was meeting a great deal of good people, but I was living in the past. I did not adjust well, simply because I wasn’t open to my present situation. To have good friends you have to be a good friend, and that I was not. I constantly compared the people in my life to the people of my not to distant past. I became a flake, making plans and breaking them became all too familiar. I built a wall because I was not fully in the moment and I yearned for my past memories to be reality.

It had only been two years, but I knew Arizona was not the place for me. I was ready to move west. During my last few months of living in Arizona I had tunnel vision towards the future, once again forgetting that I am still alive in the moment. People didn’t matter, I wasn’t happy in Arizona and I couldn’t wait to leave.

Finally I arrived in San Diego, California. After some reflection on my behavior the past two years, I realized Arizona wasn’t that bad. I had just focused on my past and my undetermined future way too much to enjoy the moment. Then I decided that I could not build walls any more. I knew I needed to focus on each day and those who are a part of my present. It is so simple to just let go and enjoy the moment. I felt freer the moment I chose to do so, and now the people around me seem endless. You see, I learned that happiness is a choice and to focus on the things around me is a positive choice that creates exponential benefits. I was being a friend to myself and soon others wanted to join. I am so much happier knowing that I am alive, and for this moment that is all I can count on.

Now I want everyone to know, we can all improve our levels of happiness if we just focus on each moment.