At some point, I became so weary and worn I was ready to say to Life, “Okay, you win. I’m done.” Paradoxically, I felt a tremendous relief. Relief that I could finally stop fighting, relief in really accepting what was happening to me, relief in just surrendering everything.
It was when I was finally able to let go that I experienced a sliver of peace in a world where previously there had been none. Something deeper and more intuitive seemed to come forth, guiding me to the next step. I was forced to stay in the present because I had no past experience telling me what I ought to do. I only followed what was in my gut to do. This “trusting” led me to do things I would never in my wildest dreams have thought I’d have the courage to do. On a gut impulse, I “found” a place to live, I “happened” to meet the right people at the right time, I began acting on my dreams and found them reaching back. No longer was I forcing things to happen. Instead, things seemed to happen on their own. It was (and is) scary and fearful at times. Sometimes I still want to get in there and control things. And so, I must repeatedly surrender to the moment, doing only what feels right in my heart.
The past four years have presented an incredible journey to me. I feel I have lived more during this time than I have ever lived in my thirty-four years prior. These experiences have proven to me that letting go is not a passive, apathetic position, but rather, a very powerful one- one that brings life versus pretending to live one.