I believe in time.
There are days when I come home, dreading the work ahead of me, the late hours of night and early hours of morning that I will spend awake, the eight 45-minute mods I will go through each day counting down the minutes until they’re over. I live from weekend to weekend, day to day, class to class, minute to minute. It’s no surprise that I find myself wondering where time has gone. We hear it all the time: time is valuable. But who are we to say time is valuable when we count away every second of our lives? I’m not perfect. I, too, count time away. But I believe that I have discovered time in its utmost value. And only could I discover this through an experience when time was limited.
It seems like days ago when I learned my mother had been diagnosed with cancer. On December 3, 2005, time became my best friend and my worst enemy. Time was everything. Only time could tell what would happen to my mom. But only time could save me. Time soon brought about my sister’s anorexia. Time was suddenly testing me, challenging me. But I still believe today that time will heal.
I could swear that time stopped-or at least slowed- throughout that winter. I remember the months spent with my mother and sister clearer than any other time. Time made itself known to me, begging to be spent wisely. Time was no longer about minutes left until lunch. Time was now about my family. The time spent with my family throughout that year plays back sweeter in my mind and dearer to my heart. I knew that time was crucial. In knowing that we may never spend time together again, time appeared golden to us. And although I still watched the clock, I was aware of time’s presence and value.
We all know time cannot be rewound, regained, or re-spent. There are always people whom wish we could have spent more time with, and moments that we wish we cherished while they lasted. Everything is sweeter in hindsight, because we cherish time in the past. But in cherishing the time in the present, life will present itself exponentially more colorful, valuable, and rewarding. Time will never escape you. It will only continue on without you; that is, only when you continue on without it. Time is always waiting to be savored and begging to be cherished.
Time made itself known to me only when time was limited. Time mended the fear my family felt, and time healed my mother and sister. Time shared its beauty with us. And although I find myself counting time away, I still remember that the clock is ticking. And without opening my eyes to the beauty of the present, life will simply be counted away. Time made itself known to me. And because of this, I believe that life has made itself known to me as well.