An Inexperienced Dater and a Young Relationship

Kristina - State College, Pennsylvania
Entered on April 15, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: love, question

I believe that at the innocent age of 16, I did not know how to love completely. I also believe that I was too young to devote a part of myself to someone else. It is hard when you are a senior in high school, your prime year, and be with someone who expects to be a part of everything in your life. When I met my boyfriend, I had never felt anything like it. I had thought, “Wow, so this is what I have been missing!” But I was wrong. I had no idea what true love meant or the potential it had to become something extraordinary. With soccer, year round basketball, track and family crises, you may ask how exactly I had time to fit him in. This truly was the problem. I didn’t have time and I had been stretched to the limit. I kept it going strong though, even though he was in college, and I was a senior, and we were an hour apart; I thought I had everything worked out. I guess when my mother told me not to be involved that seriously with someone in high school I should have taken her advice.

I had so many things going on in my life from school, sports, and my family of 7; I barely had time for myself. Time for myself…hmmm… what is that exactly? I had lost track of that. At 16 and 17, I forgot how to take time to do the things that were important to me; shopping, hanging out with my best friends, spending time with my family. I took those stolen moments and turned myself inside out to make time for my boyfriend. What the ironic thing was, he had no problem joining a fraternity and spending his weekends at school expecting me to visit. I begged and begged my mother, “Mom, I can only see him if I go there. How can you be so unfair?” I came from an old fashioned family where girls did not sleep over at boy’s houses and my mother stuck to that, and today, I could not be more grateful. I was willing and ready to run myself into the ground for him and she stopped me.

The turning point for me was when he told me I couldn’t wear a dress to the New Years Eve party. For me, dressing to look my best is something that is very important to me, and when he tried to take that away it was too much to accept. It was, and is, part of my individuality in an area where fashion is tossed to the side. I take pride in what I put on and for someone to tell me that was a bad thing I had to get out. I had had enough, but I still worry that if I had not been stronger, I would have listened. The person who I was becoming scared me. I was the strong, independent tell it how it is girl, and I completely lost that in a short two years. I was young and naïve and thought that I was head over heels. Being young and in love is hard, but I learned that I am not ready. No one is ready at the ripe age of 16 to be in a long-term serious relationship.