The Greatest Thing I’ve Done

Beinda - Davenport, Iowa
Entered on April 11, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: birth, parenthood

As I sat on my couch, swollen feet propped up on a pillow and bowl of fruit resting on my oversized stomach, it hit me…I am about to become a mother! What was I thinking? I couldn’t do this! What if they get sick? What if they don’t like me? What if they ask where babies come from? What would I do? This fear stayed with me for the next two weeks as I prepared for the birth of my first child. Then it happened…”The baby’s too large, we’re going to induce you.” No turning back…it was time!

As the Pitocin dripped into my IV and I began the process of childbirth, I thought about my fears. I thought about the way my life was about to change and the responsibility I was about to take on. I agonized about it for the next 7 hours. This child did not choose me, but they are stuck with me. What if I let them down? Two hours passed and we realized my child was stuck. I was going to have to be strong and give it everything I had. My fears about changing diapers and knowing when to start solid foods disappeared. My only thoughts were on bringing this child safely into the world. Was I really strong enough to complete the task ahead?

“AAAAAAH!” My baby’s first cry…it was a terrifying sound that melted my heart. I had done it! As they put my son into my arms, my fears were replaced with an overwhelming love. I was a mother! As soon as my hand touched his face, he stopped crying…we locked eyes and it was love at first sight. It was a moment filled with exhaustion, pride and happiness…all rolled into one 9 pound 4 ounce, adorable little package.

So often we underestimate ourselves and our strength. I believe that we doubt ourselves too quickly, when all we need to do is look into the eyes of children. The truth is there for us to see. The truth that we are everything we never thought we could be. To them we are heroes. We are strong and brave and can fix anything. I believe we become better people when we become parents. I believe that any bad day can be fixed by hearing the belly laugh of a young child. I believe there is no greater gift than a hug and, “I love you,” from a child. I believe that no superhero power can top the ability to bring a child into the world. Most of all, I believe that the beautiful baby boy that I was so scared of is the greatest thing I have ever done. He is the very best part of me…and then some!