I believe we “Settle” in life with Relationships

Candy - New Braunfels, Texas
Entered on April 6, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: love, tolerance
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I believe we “Settle” in life with Relationships

I always used to think that my parents had the perfect relationship, that they were the marriage that would last forever, the perfect couple. Looking back now, I see how wrong I was and it’s difficult for me to understand why anyone would stay in an unhealthy relationship not only for a short period of time, but for years and years.

My mother worshipped the ground my father walked on. There wasn’t anything that she would do for him. Back in the day when wives stayed home and raised the children and cooked and cleaned and took care of all the “house hold” duties, when they waited on their husbands hand and foot. Everything on the “outside” seemed so normal, almost too perfect.

At first, while we were growing up we always thought that she stayed with him because there were so many of us or could it have been because there were so many of us. I have 6 siblings, so it must have been because there were so many of us to raise? Could it have been that she never pursued her education and couldn’t find a job that could support all children? Or did she love him so much that it didn’t matter to her that she was in unhealthy relationship? My father was a very abusive, controlling husband and father. And my poor mother reeked all the mistakes that all of made as children by my father.

I would always ask myself how could anyone stay with a person that was so bad to them? How could you live with someone that was excessively verbally or physically abusive? Do you stay in a relationship even though you know that your safety or the safety of your children could be endangered? So many things, so many questions would race through my head.

Now as an adult, I have summarized what I believe it was. I believe we “Settle” in life and with relationships. I believe that everyone in some way or shape settles. We all start a relationship thinking or feeling that we are in love, true love, but is it really? I believe that some people stay in relationships because they can’t find anyone else or better said they think that they can’t find anyone else that will love them. Age also plays a part in staying in a relationship. There are some people that will stay in a relationship because they think they are too old and they don’t think that at their age they could find another partner. In turn being lonely is another reason. The fear of being by ones self is sometimes so strong that one will stay with someone just so that they aren’t by themselves. I believe that people settle in relationships because of finances. I believe people also settle because of their children. They will stay in an unhealthy relationship thinking it’s best for the kids. When in actuality most psychologists will tell you that it’s not healthy for your kids. Even though the parent may not think the child know what it’s a bad environment they are in, the child knows.

There is adultery, there is abuse, there are so many different things that people will accept and or forgive because they have settle in their relationship. Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not saying there isn’t true love and commitment out there, because there is. However, other than having grown up with seeing it first hand. I see people around me and I have observed for the most part, every one settles in some way, shape or form.