This I Believe

Malcom - Cheektowaga, New York
Entered on April 6, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

Silence, boredom. These are the feelings of one of the continuous days that I have in my house. Sitting alone staring at the walls, the quiet noise beating against my ears as I start to think. I think for hours on end until on particular question comes to my mind. “Is anyone true?” I know, probably a strange thought to think, but for some reason, I can’t separate it from the many useless thoughts that surround themselves in the pathways of my brain. It takes me almost an hour to come up with the simplest answer ever known to man. “NO.” I come up with the conclusion that no one is true in general. No one is true to others, and most of the time, they are not even true with themselves.

It all started when I was born. If I must say so for myself, I was born into lies. Deceit, treachery any word related to those that you can possibly think of is what I had to go through. Even through my younger years, I experienced bad events and lies of the worst kind. Growing up through a divorce is never easy for anyone especially for the people that are going through it, but for some reason, I felt as if I was the one who was receiving the backlash of it. I mean everyday dealing with the harsh screaming and cursing that came along with the occasional packing my bags up moving from house to house, was definitely stressful for me even if I was at the age where I probably didn’t know the true meaning of “stressful”. During these times, I was always victim to the phrase, “your dad is a liar, when will you ever stop and see that,” and the ever popular, “your mothers crazy. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” I’m not sure but I think I can honestly say that no one at the young age found this an easy case to judge. Now that I’m older, I’m able to listen to what both of them say about each other and agree with it. Now I feel as if both of them were lying. They both had made commitments or certain promises to me that they had not lived up to.

I guess I can say that my second reason for me asking this question came about when I was just entering my older years. I asked myself if anyone was true because everywhere that I went I saw the same exact thing. I saw people dressing almost similar to each other just because the styles were in style or they felt that the way that they dressed made them more stable as a person. After getting to know many of the people that I had came into contact with that were a part of the “crowd” I’ve come to find out that many people are not true to themselves because they would spend all of their money on a new outfit only to be broke the next week. I finally get up after that long rest and the first thing that I could see is my mirror. I look at it and see that exact image of the people that I was just thinking about. Just then, I start to think another question, but this one is nothing like the ones I thought about before. I look at myself and think, “Am I even true to myself?”