How I recovered from my son’s drug addiction

Doris - Fenton, Missouri
Entered on March 30, 2008
Age Group: 65+
Themes: addiction, family
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My fourth child was a light unto himself. He loved the creek behind our subdivision and many a day he brought me sassafas root he had wrestled from a tree. His clothing and tennis shoes were always encrusted with dried mud. I am sure I was angry most days. A mother’s work is never done. He grew into a tall and strong young man his striking looks, gave me pleasure and I wrote of it in my poetry. I wrote about his gentle manner and beautiful spirit. As he grew he always had a sweetheart, someone on his arm smiling up at him. Yet all his blessings couldn’t save him from his addictions. His journey into manhood didn’t come without a price for him, his siblings and most of al his Mother I can only guess what actually drove him into the drug scene. Somedays I woud pull him out of a pool hall (yes they still exist). I once found him lying inside a deserted trailer with his friends , he was sixteen years old and I had no idea what to do. I soon learned I was not alone in this drug world. I was taught a form of tough love from people who I didn’t want to mimic so I forged my own way. He was to learn I would not and could enable him. The path has been long and sometimes bloody, yet laughter has puncuated our lives, he has a great sense of humor. Most sensitive people do, he made me cry and in reality he made laugh even more.

I have learned many things in the last 15 years than I ever could have if he had not been given to me. I have learned my children are really just gifts from God.

I fast forward through the lonely years when I thought I was going crazy. I had this perfect child in his own hell and I felt helpless. I can list the horrors of the disease and yet I focus on the blessings I recieved when I learned I could only help him by helping mysef. Today he is a chef working in his sister’s restaurant, he’s needs little, he walks lightly upon the earth, always prodding me into recycling and staying out of the malls. We shop together in second hand stores, buying only what we need. I proudly say he has grown into a special young man. This poem is inspired by my son:

He is my child, my son, my friend

He walks in light…like the air

He brushes life… and gives us joy

He smiles…and takes away our cares.

He is man…he is child…He has always been

He is my teacher…my best friend

He makes me laugh…he makes me cry

He makes me sad…he is always there.

I’ve planned and schemed to change his ways

It wasn’t in this world to do

He has grown into a man..who is brave and tall

and taught me…he did it all.

If I coud change one thing…it would simply be

to let him know what he has meant to me.

the light, the air, the dreams, the care

I cannot imagine if he wasn’t there.

d.c. 09/16/02

Let go and let God