I’m not the queen

NaTasha - Logan, Utah
Entered on February 22, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
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I was always the princess of the family, being the only girl out of five brothers, I felt I deserved having the world revolve around me. My family has never really gotten along, especially me and my little brother, he was trying to take my crown. No matter the circumstances everything always ends up in a fight. Everything seemed to be going fine, it was Saturday, my brothers all except one were at my house, including there friend Sam. I was planning on going out to a dance, it had became ritual for me. Going out with my boyfriend and friends, and dancing till one in the morning.

That night everyone was happy, my mom had her friend Molly over, my brothers and their friends were all joking and having a good time. My dad came home from the store, he brought the alcohol. Alcoholism runs in my family, along with the famous Puerto Rican temper, both my dad and my brother are the same way. I saw the alcohol being brought out and I knew the consequences. I did the normal asking my mom to go out even though I already knew I could. When my brother over heard the conversation and heard me asking to stay out until one his expression changed from fun to serious and almost mad. He is overly protective of his only sister, so naturally he objected, saying one was two late for his fifteen year old sister to be out. I knew this would start the timer on the bomb that was waiting to go off, it did exactly that. That night I disregarded my brother so I could spend an extra hour with my friends because it was what I wanted, no one els mattered. That decision cost me my family.

After being locked in my room drawing, trying to drowned out the noise that everyone in the kitchen was making. I was snapped out of my spaced out state. All of a sudden I hear screaming and banging around in the kitchen, at this point its about three in the morning. As I walk to the kitchen, my heart was pounding, I was imagining what I would stumble upon. It was more than I expected, I saw on my kitchen floor, my brother on top of my dad choking him. My mom was on the phone with the police screaming help, and Molly was trying to break them up. I heard my mom scream for my other brothers which had gone down stairs because they don’t drink. As they come running up the stairs along with Sam, my mom saw me hiding around the corner. As Sam threw my brother across the room and off of my dad, my mom screamed at me to get my little brother from upstairs an keep him safe, I didn’t so much as second guess her command.

As I open the door to my parents room where my little nine year old brother was sitting up in their bed saying to tell them to be quiet because he was trying to sleep, I could no longer contain myself. As tears were flowing down my face, I realized at that instant: Nothing els mattered except keeping my little brother out of harms way. I didn’t care about what happened to me, I never cared so much about a person that I constantly looked down upon. That moment of selflessness overwhelmed me with the feeling that it was the rite thing to do.

When thinking back at how I used to think that no one els mattered in my life, I feel ashamed of the level of selfishness that I was frankly proud of. Some say lessons are best learned the hard way, when I look back at that experience that changed my life I am sad about how it tore apart my family. Yet I gained one major thing from that experience, that was knowing that taking care of some one els before you just maybe the best thing you can do for yourself.

I am not the queen of the world and that is okay.