Only Makes Me Stronger

Najmah - Christiansburg, Virginia
Entered on February 21, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: death

It took me loosing one of the most important people in my life for me to appreciate life and all the great people I have in it. An unexpected loss of a loved one is a terrible challenge to face in your life, especially as a child. It wasn’t until I lost my mother, my best friend, that I realized how much I appreciated her and all the significant things she did for me. Now that she’s gone I feel all alone in this world, loneliness is creeping up on me, and it’s a terrible feeling. I want to move past these hard times in my life, but I fear moving on may mean forgetting her.

Fire took my mother away from me, but I cannot be selfish. She was also taken from two sons, three daughters, and a family that loved her. All I can remember is people telling me to be strong. Be strong so that my siblings will know that everything would be okay. But how could I set this example for them when I found no truth in it. Nothing was okay in my life. But still I tried. I tried and failed. I just couldn’t do it. So I just locked myself in my room, trapped by loneliness and depression. It’s been over a year now, and I still feel trapped by these two despairing emotions.

Living with my sister’s grandmother has made my life miserable, and I now realize what a great thing I lost. That constant encouragement and compassion I once felt has now been replaced with anger and the demeaning of my character. All I hear now is “you can’t do this.” or “you’re lazy and not worth anything.” For once I just want to hear “You’re my beautiful baby girl and you can do anything you set your mind to.” What I must realize is that I can make something of myself. Moving on for me does not mean I will forget her. My mother is in my memory forever. She lives in my heart. I must learn to treasure the life I have now, and to let my emotions out sometimes because I cannot keep crying myself to sleep at night. Going through all I have been through should make me stronger. I cannot let it keep beating me down. If I can just keep living my life in the moment and stop worrying about “what ifs”, I know I will enjoy the rest of my life to its fullest.

Someone once told me, “Everybody dies, but few people live. Make sure you live.” This person may not be in my life anymore, but she will always be apart of it. I will follow her words and learn to truly LIVE. I will not let her image fade away, but I also will not let my sadness from loosing her consume me. I must prove those that doubt me wrong. I know that I by living my life to the fullest right now, when it’s my time to go I will die with no regrets. I believe I can make it, regardless of how many obstacles I must jump over.