Struggling to Believe

Drew - Enid, Oklahoma
Entered on February 6, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
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I had always said that I was a Christian. I always said that God was my Lord and Savior, but did I truly know what it meant? My views and everything were shaken that morning; the morning I learned that we’re not in control.

It was a dull fall morning and I was going through my normal daily routine getting ready for school. When I entered the kitchen my mom sat me down and looked at me and told me one of my best friend’s, Sarah that I had known for seven years, had died in a car crash the night before. I sat there and stared, I had viewed her as my sister, a friend, and most of all a teacher. She had taught me how to dance, how to be a good teacher, and most of all she taught me about God and how I should live my life. I kept asking myself the question over and over in my head, “Why would he take her?” Sarah wasn’t the only one of my friends I lost in that car crash…I found out that morning that two of my other friends, Aaron and Isaac. They were also teachers and people I looked up to in my life but none hurt more than the loss of Sarah.

I went to church every so often and I believed in God but every once in a while I would question, does he really exist. After this happened I struggled so hard crying every day trying to figure out why he would take the three people that exhibited him so much in their lives. Why would he take them? It didn’t hit me until I was at their funerals. When I was at Aaron’s funeral, his little brother who I coached during swim team came up to me after the funeral and grabbed me and started crying and through his sobs all I could make out is “why?” The first thing I realized was they had taught me how to teach, and it was my turn to step up. Sarah’s funeral taught me something that I will never forget. I had never cried at a funeral until hers I watched as they showed a video of her so happy just as I remembered and I broke down crying right there. No one could stop me. She taught me to always be happy. I still had the burning question inside me on why they had to die for me to realize this. I understood everything after Isaac’s funeral. It was held in the biggest church in town and the whole church was filled and over flowed into another room. These few didn’t just affect my life but they affected everyone around them.

Christianity is not just about believing in God. It’s about believing in God and sharing his words in order to change lives around you. To this day I look up to them and remember everything happens for a reason.