This I Believe

Jillian - Denver, Colorado
Entered on January 24, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: change

This I believe, I am struggling with a decision. This is not a new situation I find myself in. I have been considering this particular decision for a year now, and I am a relatively indecisive person in general. The decision at hand will not allow me to be indecisive for much longer, however. The decision would affect the next two years of my life. I would not call this a life changing decision because after those years pass, I think I will be in about the same position regardless of what I decide now.

I began considering this decision about a year ago. When the idea first crossed my mind, it seemed like a very distant goal. I had no direction or plan. Since that time, I have narrowed my options. The goal is now much more attainable, but now I am not sure that I want to reach the goal.

Several times a week, I am strongly in favor of changing my current surroundings, finding all new friends and living on the opposite side of the country, and several times a week, I find myself content with what I currently have. I am trying to decide if transferring to another university at the end of this year would be a positive or negative change in my life.

I thrive on change. I have moved enough times in my life that I am used to big change and used to big adjustment. I find myself craving new surroundings, something very different from the small town I am in now. I find myself longing to be with high school friends, back in a Catholic school, or back in Denver, closer to my parents. All of those things would be a change back to the way things were before. In some ways, I would like to try something entirely new. I would like to go to the East Coast, to a city I do not know. I would like to go to a school where I do not know anyone, and spend two years exploring the city and meeting new people while finishing my undergraduate degree.

Sometimes I think my reasons for desiring to transfer are petty. For example, I would rather be in a snowy climate. Sometimes, I think it is my need for adventure that has made thoughts of transferring persistent in my mind. Lately, I have been soliciting the help of friends in making this decision, and I have found that many people are struggling with the same dilemma. Knowing that I am not alone in this decision has been comforting and encouraging. I think, perhaps, it is the fear of regret that has made this decision a struggle. I fear that I will regret not remaining with my friends here, and at the same time, I fear I will regret passing up the opportunity to find greater happiness elsewhere. I only have until June to make a final decision, the struggle cannot continue much longer.