This I Believe

Christina - Palm Desert, California
Entered on January 6, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
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This I believe….I believe in happiness. I believe in elation and having absolutely no worries. I believe in living in the moment. Happiness is about drinking orange juice directly from the carton and stuffing clothes in the back of your closet instead of folding them. Happiness is singing at the top of your lungs and actually thinking that you’re pretty good. It’s discovering that your Government paper isn’t actually due until the next Tuesday. It’s having crazy friends that make you contort, quite embarrassingly I might add, in laughter. It’s about eating all the tops of the muffins (the best part!) at that holiday party and not getting caught. I had to learn to appreciate all of these moments the hard way. I had severe mood swings and anything that happened could send me into a severe bout of depression. I was so cynical and critical of everyone and anything around me. Nothing was right and everyone had too many flaws, in my eyes. It reached a point in which I felt I had nothing to live for and that my future was grim. I attempted suicide and failed. After I failed, I wanted to succeed to spare myself the shame, but I didn’t want to go through the trouble of failing again. Everyone asked me, “Why would you ever do that when you’re smart and beautiful and you have everything going for you?” I hated that question. I think that I resented that image of perfection that I had created for myself. The people I love in my life pulled me out. I was selfish, but I learned. I learned that the only thing really left to do is be truly and utterly and undeniably happy. I learned to eat one too many cookies, be a little too crazy, laugh a little too loud, and love just a little too much.