I Believe in Self-Worth

Kayla - Hewitt, Minnesota
Entered on December 10, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
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There are many things that I believe. I believe in friendship, love, learning from your mistakes, and the importance of family. I believe in God, and I believe in keeping our Earth clean. But more than anything, I believe that all people have their own purpose and that there is no one, and I mean no one, who is worthless. There is a particular incidence that I remember very vividly, that has influenced me to believe this.

While I was walking towards the old yellow farm house where I spent so much of my childhood, I recalled the good ol’ days when I was five years old helping Grandma do chores in the barn; she taught me how to prepare the milk for the calves, and how to properly hold the bottle when they were sucking. Every day that we let the cows in, she would make a fuss about getting me out of harm’s way. Even though I really wanted to help with bringing the cows in, I would sit down on my square bale and pet the kittens; just to please her.

When I reached the house, I sat down with my parents and grandparents to visit for the evening. There was a lot of talk about the results from Grandpa’s bronchoscope the he had done on Friday. As we all knew, the doctor would call on Monday sometime to give the results to Grandpa.

Grandma talked about how expensive the doctor’s appointments were, and how Unicare was not paying for any of the bills, because it “exceeded their limit”.

As if it were out of nowhere, I heard the words that I never thought I’d hear come out of my grandmother’s mouth.

“If I weren’t so worthless, I would get a job so we could pay for all of these bills.”

At that moment, I had so many questions going through my head; Did I hear her right? How could my grandmother who has done soo much for me actually think that? She taught me how to bake, how to laugh at things that were too serious, and how to unconditionally love. Grandma has been one of the most important people in my life, she’s been there to help me through the hardest times in my life, and she thinks she is worthless. It felt like an hour past before I could come back to reality.

Once I finally snapped out of it, I had to say something.

“You are not worthless,” I said as convincingly as I could. Knowing that it seemed like a cliché answer that anyone would have said.

“I know, I just wish that I could do something to help out Grand-Dad,” she said in a helpless voice.

At that moment, I was unsure how Grandma really felt. She said the words, but I felt like her tone of voice did not support what she was telling me. To this day I am still not sure if she really knew that she, by all means, is not worthless.

As I saw my Grandmother go through a point in her life when she felt “worthless,” I began to think very seriously about how everyone has their own purpose in life. This is why I believe that there is no one on this Earth that is worthless.