This I Believe

Leona - Bowling Green, Kentucky
Entered on December 6, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
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THIS I BELIEVE

I believe that there is a power greater than myself, who I choose to call God, and I can change my life around if I am willing to do something different than I have always done. My life experiences have made me the person I am today. Life can be scary and full of fear.

I have had many challenges in my life, from being a single parent, crack addict, alcoholic, to returning to school at age 45. My life has been unmanageable for quite sometime, putting me on a path of destruction. I was addicted to crack cocaine; my life was a living hell. During a 3 year period in my life, I tried repeatedly to get clean, but it didn’t happen right away. After each high, my feelings of remorse and guilt consumed me. I prayed to either rid myself of this demon or die, but neither happened. I managed to stay clean for 14 month, one time. It was the most miserable time of my life. I decided that I could control my addiction, so I made one more attempt to control it, but was caught by my husband when I couldn’t. In October of 1998, I had a dream and when I awoke, I knew that something was different. There was no way to explain it; all I knew was that I would never touch crack again. I believe that God did for me what I could not do for myself. He took my addiction from me. I have been clean ever since. I still had demons, but I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous in November of 2002. I went to meetings, read AA literature, got a sponsor, and prayed on a daily basis. I began to understand myself better and my perception of life changed. I have worked the 12 steps of AA, and try to the best of my ability to apply these principles in my daily life. This has made my life a little easier to accept.

I believe that if it were not for faith in a power greater than myself, I would not have survived. I am talking about that peace and serenity we all search for. There is an emptiness that I call a God shaped hole, and until we make that connection with ourselves and a power greater than us, we will be lost and unhappy with life. It is all about how we choose to handle life’s challenges as individuals. In recovery, I still have many personal, financial, and spiritual struggles. My life today is about my spiritual contact with my higher power, my attitude, and my perceptions. As long as I continue to be honest, open minded and willing, my life can only get better.