Casey - bowling green, Kentucky
Entered on December 6, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: addiction
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Addiction for me at first was hard to see as a disease and not a lifestyle. Before I ever used my brother had a drug problem which caused him a lot of problems with our parents. I remember being in the 5th grade, and my dad telling my that my brother was so mean because he is using drugs. I looked up to my middle brother in elementry school, and when I found out he was smoking marijuana it made me courious about it. My mentality in elementry school was to be a bad ass because it got me attention. As a result I got into pleanty of trouble. One of the reasons why I started using is because my grand ma died. I didn’t realize this until 6 years later, and when I think about it I don’t realize how sad her death made me. I lived with my Grand ma Betty from the ages of 2-6 or 7. She helped raise me, and stopped my brother from picking on me. Betty died when I was in 7th grade only a week or two before I first used. The first drug I used was marijuana with two kids from my neighborhood. All I can recall was walking around in a field, and when we finally got back to his house I drank about 6 gingerals. It wouldn’t be until freshman year in high school till I started using everyday.

I believe that addiction is one of the worst problems in the World. Once I started getting high everyday, I stopped living my life and started living the life of a brain dead dope head. Nothing was interesting that didn’t get me high, and nothing was interesting if I wasn’t high. So my mentality changed from being a bad ass to get high. My addiction and life were getting chronicly worst. School was a place to get stonned, and a place to laugh and sleep. That’s how it was everyday I went high, and if for some odd reason I wasn’t high, then I would talk about drugs or try to get some.

Not only does addiction affect everyone that addict comes in contact with in a negative way, but it also makes life so much harder for the addict who still suffers. Everyday as an addict waking up and looking in the mirror is hard knowing how selfish I have been. I could cope with it, but that leads to me using. When I let God cope with it I find peace. Forgiving myself for the kinds of things that drugs caused me to do is a relief, but when I think about the way I felt back then I get sick to my stomach. At the lowest point in an addicts life is unfortunately, for some the first time they want to change. Using drugs takes most the energy of the addict. The energy focused on using can be redirected into something positive. Stay positive.