I Believe In Becoming a Mother

Reyna - Bowling Green, Kentucky
Entered on December 5, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: birth, parenthood
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At seventeen after a child development class I had decided that I was never going to have children. After learning the importance of the example you set for your child, I was overwhelmed just thinking of that responsibility.

One week after my eighteenth birthday I felt this eerie sensation inside. I took a pregnancy test in the Wal-Mart restroom while my boyfriend waited in the arcade. As I sat in the stall looking at the pregnancy test waiting for the results a thousand things went through my mind. I thought about how I did not love my boyfriend, how I had no clue what I was doing with my life, and how was I going to raise a child on my unfocused path.

Finally the test was finished; those three minutes felt like forever. I came out of the restroom and went to the arcade. I stood there and stared at my boyfriend who was playing video games. I started to cry and he turned around and asked, “What is it?” I told him that I was pregnant.

At the beginning of my pregnancy I thought my life was over, but then I started to feel the little life inside of me move. I cried the first time I felt the baby. I was so confused about how I was supposed to feel. The more I felt the baby, the more I fell in love with this little spirit inside me. The extremity of that love was phenomenal.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I developed preeclampsia, which is a disease that some pregnant women get that puts the mother’s and the baby’s life at risk. I was frightened for myself, but I wanted my baby; my son to be ok. I was at nineteen hours of labor when my son’s heartbeat started to slow down. However, at two fifteen in the morning my beautiful eight pound and three ounce baby Matthew was born. It is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced.

After Matthew came home I noticed my whole atmosphere changing. I used to listen to heavy music and now the sounds of my house are soft and sweet. I used to curse like a sailor and now when I am around him I find myself pausing to find another word to say.

His sweet spirit fills the home with laughter. It brings innocence back into our lives that we lost long ago. And with me at age twenty and him at age two I see us learning together and growing together in life.

My life has never been the same since my son has become a part of it. I will never be the same person that I was and I love the person I am today. That mistake that I thought was going to ruin my life actually saved me in more ways than one. I believe in becoming a mother.