Happiness, Is It Worth It?

Erica - Joplin, Missouri
Entered on December 4, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
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I am a thirty-year-old female with two young children. I am currently going though a divorce after thirteen long years. When I was seventeen years old I thought I was in love with a young man who I knew was my soul mate. I was young and very naive. Recently I discovered how unhappy and miserable I truly was. I believe being happy is the key to living a long life. For many years I lived with a man who controlled every aspect of my life. My husband controlled what I wore by purchasing only the clothes he wanted me to wear. He made all the decisions in my life. He decided where I would live, where our children went to school, and even how I would wear my hair. I would try my hardest every day of my life to do what pleased him, I would clean the house to perfection, cook three course meals, and I went to unexplainable lengths to jeopardize my morals just to make him happy. However, whatever I would do to attempt to please him and make him happy was never good enough in his eyes. He was unfaithful during our thirteen years of marriage not once but twice, that I know of, yet I stuck by him believing that marriage was forever and that we were suppose to be together. I was a very unhappy individual especially over the last two years of our time spent together. I became depressed the last year and a half of our marriage. I tried to obtain help from several different doctors and tried over ten different anti-depressants in attempts to “ get happy”. Nothing seemed to help me in my time of need. So at the start of November I decided, with the push of my husband, to drop my status at work to part time instead of full time. I was hoping that this would cure my depression and help me from being so stressed out all of the time. Unfortunately, that was not the case at all; I was still very irritable at work and with my family. I was not the happy, positive thinking person I once was. Finally, I realized I needed a break from the man that I once thought was my soul mate for life. I told him I needed some time to myself to determine what exactly made me happy. Being the controlling person he is the confrontation did not go over too well. Since leaving my ex-husband I have come to realize again that life is definitely worth living for. I have also realized exactly how controlling he was with me, and how much of what he speaks is just a bold face lie. I can finally wake up in the morning smiling. I now have the right to pick what clothes I want to wear day to day, and how I want to style, color my hair. I believe I have an overall better outlook on life. It has not been an easy road, difficult if I do say so, changing what you have known for the past thirteen years of life. However, I already see a difference in my life, and I now know that being truly happy in life is a very important aspect of the life we live everyday.