This I Believe

THIS I BELIEVE

Birth is magical. Growing a full human being from two little cells is a miracle, and bringing that baby into the world is a feat of nature. Women who can own that magic and take credit for that feat have an easier time mothering.

When I was pregnant, I stumbled upon a home birth midwife, who explained my birth options. I embarked upon research, reading piles of books and articles. I learned that home birth with a competent midwife was safe with a healthy pregnancy, and I began to feel concerned about the “cascade of interventions” I would encounter in the hospital. After ample research, my husband and I decided on a home birth.

During my quick labor, I found myself totally capable of managing the intense pain with the support of my husband and midwife. I felt safe and relaxed in my own home, as I rode waves of contractions. My midwife showed me how making low pitched noises eased the pain and calmed me. I focused deeply inward, loathing external stimulus, swatting away well-intentioned hands and barking orders in caveman talk. “No touch.” “Water.” “No light.” Pushing was hard but rewarding work, culminating in the athletic event of birth. While birth was the hardest challenge of my life, holding my daughter the moment she emerged was the greatest gift.

Though I was tired after the physical feat of childbirth, I felt like I could do ANYTHING after that. Look out Supergirl – I was Birth-Woman! Parenting those early weeks requires you to be a sort of superhero. Making milk, recovering your body, experiencing sleep deprivation, learning mysteries of a baby with no words to tell you what she wants – these things all require superhero abilities. The ability to change a diaper in the middle of the night in the dark. Shrinking your uterus from the size of a watermelon to the size of an orange in a matter of hours. Making enough milk to feed a human being exclusively for six months. These are much more impressive and useful than comic book superhero skills like flying or spinning super strong spider webs.

Never bursting with confidence, I spent the nine years prior totally lacking in it. The Socratic Method, intense competition in the legal profession and high stakes litigation had taught me to question my judgment and decisions constantly. Then I realized I was the expert on parenting my own child. I was the one who grew her from scratch and birthed her. If I could do that, I could do a great job being her mother.

Now that my oldest is 3 and I have a new baby, I realize that parenting has many more challenges in store, and that I am no expert. But I still know my own kids better than anyone. And I know that the confidence I gained while producing my beautiful babies has helped me be a better parent.