Coping with loss

Karen - Indian Harbor Beach, Florida
Entered on November 19, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
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I recently lost my best friend. It was nearly a year ago, very close to Christmas time. It was a very sudden and unexpected death, and came as a great shock to all that knew her. She was only 40 years old, and suffered a massive heart attack.

The coping period had many phases, the first being absolute raw pain upon hearing what happened. I could not bear the thought that this wonderful person suffered pain upon leaving this earth, and there was nothing that could be done about it. After the shock and pain of that wore off a bit, then came the pain of the actual loss itself. I cried every time I encountered a situation that my friend would have enjoyed. I missed her so much I couldn’t bear it. There were so many days that I thought, “Let me call Ruth”, then realized that there would be no answer. I so missed that reassuring contact with her. I felt constant guilt that I hadn’t been in regular contact before she passed away.

I thought the pain of loss might get easier over time, and in some ways it has, but in most ways it hasn’t. I still dream about her, and lately, the dreams have taken on a comforting role. It has been nearly a year. I have let her go, but still feel acute pain of loss. I do not know when it will get better.

I have tried since the loss of my friend, to mend other relationships. Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love that they mean something to you. This has helped me, I think.

Denial does not factor in. There is nothing helpful about pretending.

She is gone, she will not come back, I will never see her again. I take the dreams that I have of her, as a gift. The dreams are wonderful. In the dreams I am fully aware that she is gone, but I still receive a visit anyway. It does my soul so much good that I have those dreams, as they feel like a rare gift that I have received from the spirit world.

The sharpness of the pain has lessened in many ways, but I still would give 5 years of my life to have one final hour with Ruth. I wouldn’t even think twice about it. Because life is worth nothing without the people we love so much making it worthwhile for us to be here. This is a very important rule for bringing new people into our lives, who are of quality for our lives. You can choose the people you have in your life. Those who believe otherwise are fooling themselves. To all of us, I say: Choose wisely.