This I Believe

oshi - dundalk, Maryland
Entered on November 16, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50

I believe in power of words, its ability to give one hope and inspiration in the form of quotes, verses,clichés that do just that

Yesterday, I got a call at the eleventh hour from Headquarters; and was asked not to report at my job today. I could sense before I saw the sympathetic looks from the other interns. I knew it! I was going to be fired. This had been building up for quiet some time, complaints about my work about my numerous mistakes had been mounting. The evidence folder that contained samples of my ‘mistakes’ was getting larger.

For a while I thought I would die from the humiliation, and/or the tightening in my chest, I could see all my bills flash before my eyes how I was going to cope. I started calling my friends I needed to be consoled , I needed some to speak to me but my helplessness turned to hopelessness when they only came up with clichés,. I felt so overwhelmed , because I wanted to run , to fly, to escape ,anything that would stop the throbbing ,the thoughts of shame, the agony of loss and the fear , I was angry and disappointed at myself, not sure if I felt like a failure because of my mistakes at work or my unemployment so I kept calling hoping to hear something that would make me feel better .

Well, by the fifth caller, I had enough, now I was literally falling into an abyss of depression with only clichés to break the fall . It was my best friend so I cried with abandon for 5 minutes and then got frustrated and mad when I was asked to repeat everything I just said while crying. I slammed the phone in response, this was not working so I started coming up with options and alternatives plans, it gave me something to focus on. Though I believe in the power of words ,their clichés and words/reaction to my news seemed fell flat, I needed more ,so started to make plans and confirm the ones I had : I would go to class, do my homework, go dancing, go flying as planned, and start looking for work immediately .

Today at 8 am, I checked out and an hour later put in my unemployment and called it a day , though the agony of my job loss hurts deep down, and the tightening in my chest, increasing with every whiff of fear .about the future I am surprised at my resilience , I did not cracked up ironically, my source of hope and inspiration has been those clichés and words of encouragement that keep running through my head like a brain worm .I know this too shall pass after all every disappointment is a blessing in disguise. That is why I believe in the amazing the power of words to heal and inspire .