This I Believe

Janie - Norwood, Ohio
Entered on November 8, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
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This I believe.

When I was little, I thought that the world was a perfect place. Everyone was forgiving. No one would steal or lie or cheat. I could always make my mother smile with a spagettio stained grin. My family never argued. And if they did it was over who would take the trash out. Or how much we loved each other. Church every Sunday, basketball for Jill every Monday and Thursday. And ballet for me every Wednesday. All the perfect days we spent. Watching Barnie. Swinging. And even swimming. How time passed by. I would give anything to re-live just one summer, or a Christmas with my favorite neighbors and amazing family.

It’s been years since I’ve seen a perfect Christmas, with all my family there exchanging gifts. My family is very loving but is sometimes unsure of HOW to love, Or when to love, Or when to help. I’m sure everyone’s life changes when your parents get divorced and move on. Get re-married and act like nothing ever happened. And I’m supposed to go along with it. But I try.

All families have problems I’m sure. Just yesterday my mom and I fought all night. We would fight about the stupidest problems. We fight just to have a reason to yell. Because sometimes yelling makes the pain go away. The pain of not being able to say I love you anymore with out feeling awkward there after, because we don’t say it enough. It hurts being so close to someone and then letting the tiniest things pull you apart.

My mom and dad went threw a rocky divorce. Where it was a constant battle. Fighting over us. Fighting with us. I couldn’t trust anyone. Sometimes I wish I weren’t ever home. I feel home is not a home. It’s a war ground, a never-ending fight. Having to go threw court and counseling. Sometimes I wouldn’t see my dad for months at a time. Only to go out on an awkward dinner. Us, Barley talking and eating fast to get it over with. “How is school?” what kind of question is that? A question that requires no thought and no knowledge of me what so ever. Those questions make me cringe.

When I grow up, get married, and have kids. I will try my best to give them attention they need. The love they grow on and the help they ask for. I hope god will pick for me a great husband that understands me, and my feelings, a guy unlike the father I had. A guy willing to sacrifice his life for his family. Not just leave them in the dust he kicked up, take off and start a new life. With a new wife, and a new identity.

This I believe, you never stop learning. Mistakes are the some of the best things that ever happen to you. Keep your family close. And never stay angry at someone forever.

You never know when they’ll be gone.

This I believe

Janie Vogelsong