Story of my life

amanda - corona, California
Entered on October 23, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: family

I am a 15 year old girl. I live in a house where words are never said plainly. It seems as though once you walk through that front door, you have about 10 seconds to grab whatever type of shield you can and pray to God that these flaming words wont be spat at you. As a child growing up, it seemed as though I was always looking out a window. A window that in reality had the view of an angered father whose temper lead to yelling and more yelling. Never once did he raise a had or fist, but he often raised his voice. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a horrible childhood, but it wasn’t the best either. I believe in a thing called love. The kind where even if your mad, you choose not to take it out on everything and everyone that surrounds you. I got a lot of love from my mom and my 2 older siblings. It hurts to think that my dad loved me only when he was “in a good mood” which translates to, “when he was drunk“, but even then do I wonder if he really loved me. Sometimes when I sit at home just watching T.V. I would watch him enter the room and wish that just one day, it might actually be a soda in his hand. Much to my surprise it was the same as always. A bottle filled with alcohol wrapped up in a brown paper bag. It hurts to know that when I get home he’s probably not there. Though my mom, sisters and I, have tried many times to make him see how much we needed him. He would walk straight for a while, but once he passed that liquor store, he was walking in circles around it. Life hasn’t always gone the way I expected but then again, I am really young and you cant always expect the expected. Looking at my mom, I wonder why she puts up with what she does. I guess you can say that she wants what’s better for me and my sisters. I believe that love could save him and would save him if he wasn’t so arrogant and hard headed. When I look into my mothers eyes, I can see innocence and hope. You see, my mother is a very strong woman, and a beautiful one at that. She has been through a little more that 15 surgeries and still stands strong even when things start falling apart. As for my sisters, well without them, I don’t think id last on my own. All the of them keep me in one piece. so if someone were to ask me why I believe in love, I would simply answer because love is what you get when your stuck in bed sick as can be and your mom and sisters comes to save the day. That’s what I believe in