This I Believe

Elizabeth - Lutherville, Maryland
Entered on October 17, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50

This I believe

I believe I made the right decision to divorce. In 2001 I ran out of ideas to keep my dead marriage alive. For 2 years or more I swayed back and forth. Do I stay or do I go? With three children ages 8, 6 and 4 I felt selfish. The risk was dangerous since I wasn’t employed. I wrestled with my religious upbringing that enforced divorce is wrong. Struggling with old ideas made the process at times impossible. Admitting to those close to me meant failure. Was the impression of those around me more important than my life?

Soul searching and questioning our lives is never easy. Taking a deep personal inventory can be painstaking at least at first. The lingering thought for anyone divorcing is will my children be damaged. Statistical reports point to them being permanently damaged. As a mother pain is inevitable but instinctively we try to avoid.

The family I presented to the outside world was not real. I stood at a major turning point. Be honest and go or stay and lie. I was left with my final option and that was to ask God for help. Within no time ideas and thoughts came into my mind. Funny I think God is like a kind patient parent.

I chose to end my marriage. The divorce was a battle. However even in the thick of the battle I had hope. Facing the loss of my home, no job, no car and 3 little ones I should have felt hopeless. That prayer, that moment I turned to God I knew all would be well. It seems almost insane as I look back to have made such a bold move. Trust in God. My Grandmother always said, “end every prayer with thy will be done”.

Life took on a whole new meaning. In finding God I really met myself for the first time. Getting there was a challenge but completely worth it. I believe I made the right decision.