This I Believe

Darcy - Prairie Village, Kansas
Entered on October 10, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
  • Podcasts

    Sign up for our free, weekly podcast of featured essays. You can download recent episodes individually, or subscribe to automatically receive each podcast. Learn more.

  • FAQ

    Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more...

  • Top Essays USB Drive

    This USB drive contains 100 of the top This I Believe audio broadcasts of the last ten years, plus some favorites from Edward R. Murrow's radio series of the 1950s. It's perfect for personal or classroom use! Click here to learn more.

I believe in the glory of bloodshed, of strength, of ridding my path, forcibly, of any and all obstacles. I believe in falling down and breaking myself just to get back up, in bloodying my hands to gain my sanity back, in doing whatever it takes to survive, not to win, and never giving up.

In short, I believe in fighting, in walking that fine line between rage and fear, of senseless wrath and purposeful anger, of screaming matches so loud that my neighbors’ three houses down call the cops. Confrontation is the heart of my soul, it’s terrifying and enthralling and exhilarating, and it is the only way I know how to truly feel alive.

Forget turning a blind eye, or finding another cheek to be beat on! Forget a mediocre life filled with peace, I want a life where I bloody myself just to prove a point, that I feel each pain like a lash of the whip. I want that passion, that pain, that fierce joy and nearly mindless glee! I believe in that shameless enthusiam for living life and never backing down or begging for forgiveness.

How else is there to live my life? I’d rather see the world in shades of red than shades of gray any day! I refuse to allow myself to be controlled, or to have the limitations that being a polite southern girl would put on me. I refuse to allow myself to be bound, to be treated as anything less than what and who I am: a fighter.

I can not allow that I’ll die peacefully in my sleep, or that I’ll go even a single day without something that makes my blood run hot, either in joy, fear or rage, it matters not the emotion, only that something is felt. I will not allow others to push their ideals on me and try to mold me, I will live my life my way and I will fight every single minute of the day if needed.

I will live drunk on the power of emotions, on bloodlust, thirst of battle, fear of pain, sorrow at causing pain, joy at winning, joy at loosing. One day I may find contentment in simply allowing my days to pass me by without that fierce feeling in my bones, without feeling anything more than a mild version of anything, but until that day I will fight.