This I Believe

Kelly - Saint Louis Park, Minnesota
Entered on October 7, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50

I am at the edge of a deep cliff, there is something behind me and I am afraid. I am fearful of this “thing” because I know it is there creeping ever closer to me. It is pushing me forward to a place I don’t want to go. There is no way out for me I cannot go back because it is there, I cannot go neither left nor right because I am surrounded by a thick forest of trees and underbrush. I cannot remain stagnant here absorbed in my own fear of the monster that lies behind me and the unknown that lay ahead of me. The only positive way out for me now is to jump; it is the only way forward. I must leap, so I do with immense terror my eyes pinching tightly shut. Suddenly I am aware that I am floating, almost soaring I open my eyes and realize that the flowing skirt I am wearing has ballooned open to become my life-saver, my parachute. I am safe; I let out a colossal sigh of relief. I turn my head upwards towards the top of the precipice where I can just make out the red eyes of the fiend I left behind; he is now in my past. He can no longer plague me; he forgot to pack his parachute! As I float comfortably I am aware that the wall of the rock face is quite beautiful. It is lush and green, gorgeous plant life thrives here among the nesting birds and waterfalls full of life. Had I not jumped I never would have seen the splendor of the valley below. I land softly on the earth and know that I have left my future open to the infinite possibilities that only taking a risk can give me.

My future is no longer reliant on the monster to set in motion the desire for me to run merely to survive. One never knows what will make a good parachute in life. By leaving my future open I have discovered that this parachute allowed me to get over the past and float with poise into my future. In my history I had rejected “my knowing” now I simply wait with my thoughts of the upcoming. These thoughts are not meant to intimidate or scare me into a future I do not crave. They are simply there with me in the moment to moment accomplishments and downfalls of my everyday life. Often it was easier for me to move on rather than “be with” those feelings, now I prize those reflections like a crisp fall day. My mind-set had gotten in the way of my trust in the unknown; most of all my thoughts had driven me to the edge of the overhang of my own sanity. I was there at the boundary not only fearing the past but also dreading the uncertainty of my future. It is nice for me to now realize that in life we all have “parachutes” perhaps not even of our own design that can get us to the next altitude of life if we only allow them to do so.

There is no evidence to support that by me “jumping” I would be out of harm’s way but the only way for me to face the monster within is with a strong belief in the unfamiliar. This belief has to be underwritten to the very foundation of my life. It may be intimidating “not to know” but there are few things in life that give me a greater sense of joy than being successful in an attempt to improve myself. There will be challenges that I will attempt and I will fail, it is just a simple reality of life. But, it is in the effort I make along the way, the fact that I undertake them at all that makes the difference to me. I look forward to being able to be aware that unexpected joys, unforeseen coincidences, and unexplainable experiences will happen in my life by allowing my “leaps of faith” to be self-initiated.

I have taken the initiative to believe in something not yet proven, to believe in myself. Oh yes this I do believe!