This I Believe

alex - Tulsa, Oklahoma
Entered on October 2, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: family, setbacks

I believe in pain. I personally have experienced this pain because of the love my brother suffered from. He recently ran away and this hurt our step-mother very much and caused weeping and sorrow and grief because she loved him. I didn’t really have a huge problem with it. I suppose that I didn’t really have a standing relationship with him because he and I never were able to start any kind of serious relationships with others although we may have affection for them. A couple of days ago I viewed a file on a floppy disc that my brother had saved all of his songs to. Most of the songs pertained to the fine line between love and death. They explained how love and pain were very similar and that the more you love someone the more pain you feel. As the songs unfolded I was beginning to see the side of my brother that I’ve never seen before nor do I want to again. As I sat there reading the poems, which sounded like suicide notes, tears streamed down my face knowing that I finally found the puzzle piece that tied his life together and as if in those words his whole life were dependent on. I realized at that moment that I would forgive him. Because I loved him I was in pain because of the emotional anguish that he was in. I wanted to do something about it but I knew it was too late. I try to see the meaning behind the songs’ lyrics though I have problems finding them at times. Many times I’ve read the same songs and each time I see more of who he is. I realized the magnetism of his pain. He had great pain because he had great love for someone that he knew he would never be with so he wanted it more and the more that someone loves the greater the pain. His pain was of romantic love and mine was of brotherly love. I believe that the cost of love is pain. I believe in pain.