This I Believe

Anide - Irvington, New Jersey
Entered on August 29, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
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A few days after my 29th B-day I realized that Aaliyah was right, though I’m sure she borrowed the hook to her song “Age ain’t nothing but a number,” from some old cliché or proverb. I always thought that by your late twenties things were supposed to become clearer to you as far as your career path, issues in your personal life, your sense of self and understanding and knowing who you are. But truth be told, while I’m a little wiser than I was at 21 or even 18, I’m really not any clearer on the lot the God has chosen from me. I’m not sure if I have things a little twisted in that I’m waiting for God to miraculously speak to me and give me clear direction or if he sort of gave me a blueprint in his word and my job in a sense is to make my decisions based on that blueprint. Maybe there is no Aha! moment, maybe, he’s been trying to get me to trust my own instincts based on his word. Maybe there is not just one path in a sense, maybe he always gives us the opportunity to choose from different choices, each may not necessarily be wrong, however, each can lead me to a different path in life. Meaning at the end I’ll ultimately reach his goal for me, however, the experiences I gain from my choices will just be different. Sometimes, it will be a more difficult path and sometimes it may seem like things just fall into place more smoothly.

So as I sit here at work, I’m starting on what I hope will be a discovery and transformative journey for me to better understand myself and the process of growing older. I’m realizing that age and accomplishment don’t necessarily mean greater understanding, it doesn’t mean that you have to have everything figured out, and it certainly doesn’t mean that based on those criteria certain life moments should naturally fall into place like marriage and children. It’s like growing up I was taught keep God first (and that is given in all I do), go to school and get my education, get a job and work, get married and have children.

While my life seems to have followed this path, and some of these things are taking longer than others, I wish someone had told me the reality that comes with each milestone in your life. I wish someone had told some other woman, that some of these things don’t necessarily fall in the order in which we expected or dreamed. I wish someone had explained the growing pains of your youth and the uncertainty you face in your twenties. So while I’m no expert persay, I am an expert in my own life and based on similar challenges and ups and downs that my women friends have encountered I’d like to give my two cents on what I believe you learn and go through by the time you’re 29 years old. Lord knows, I’m looking forward to my 30s praying that while my twenties were years of uncertainty that my going into my 30s will be years of affirmation of who I am, learning to love who I am, being sure of myself and my abilities, taking risk in spite of my fears, and learning and accepting that things aren’t always as black and white as we tend to try and make them. So as I share my journey I’m sure some women will relate, I’m not sure if this journey is one shared by women of all races, nationality’s and cultures, or if its just me. I don’t have a statistical formula to measure this time which some have coined the “quarter-life crisis” but I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one who has gone through these various growing pains to finding and understanding one’s life purpose. And truth be told even as I write this journal of sorts I’m still trying to figure things out.

I call this stage: “Dag I thought I would’ve had it figure out by now!”