This I Believe

Georgina - North Haven, Connecticut
Entered on August 26, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
  • Podcasts

    Sign up for our free, weekly podcast of featured essays. You can download recent episodes individually, or subscribe to automatically receive each podcast. Learn more.

  • FAQ

    Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more...

  • Top Essays USB Drive

    This USB drive contains 100 of the top This I Believe audio broadcasts of the last ten years, plus some favorites from Edward R. Murrow's radio series of the 1950s. It's perfect for personal or classroom use! Click here to learn more.

I believe that life is messy. I also believe it is designed to be that way. Our pain and suffering comes from our inability to accept this fact and by pretending it is otherwise. After thirty- nine birthdays and nearly fourteen years of marriage, I accidentally fell in love with another woman, half my age. What started out as an internet friendship, slowly turned into feelings I never experienced before. It was extremely messy. Before I had this complication in my life, I was operating on auto-pilot, believing in things that weren’t true. Beliefs are like that. Oddly enough, they don’t have to be true. But if you buy them, they stick to you like glue. I thought I was “normal” and that being gay meant that I suddenly was not normal anymore. But I was gay all along, and I was normal all along. I was just unaware of it. Shit happens. It happens to all of us in different waves and at different times in our lives. Some people have messy childhoods, with divorce or illness and hardship. Some people have a messy time in high school, trouble with the law or drugs or bad grades. I call all of this LIFE. I also believe strongly that these are the defining moments of your life. They are the opportunities of your lifetime. I turned mine into a better marriage, a more spiritual existence and a full length feature film called (make me) Blush, which is REALLY, REALLY MESSY too.