This I Believe

Marsha - Harshaw, Wisconsin
Entered on July 18, 2007
Age Group: 50 - 65
  • Podcasts

    Sign up for our free, weekly podcast of featured essays. You can download recent episodes individually, or subscribe to automatically receive each podcast. Learn more.

  • FAQ

    Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more...

  • Top Essays USB Drive

    This USB drive contains 100 of the top This I Believe audio broadcasts of the last ten years, plus some favorites from Edward R. Murrow's radio series of the 1950s. It's perfect for personal or classroom use! Click here to learn more.

Due to complications of a connective tissue disease, without warning I’d been

> struck blind. Each time the doctor held his hand in front of my face and

> asked how many fingers I saw, hope dwindled, as I replied, “none.”


> I felt alone, frustrated, sad, and afraid. The searing pain stabbed at my

> eyes, as if fire were consuming them. But worse than the excruciating

> physical torment was the terrifying darkness and agonizing over the “what

> if’s.”


> What if doctors couldn’t save my sight? What if I couldn’t take care of

> myself? What if I couldn’t drive my car and be independent anymore? What if

> I would never enjoy reading a book, watching a sunset, or gazing into the eyes

> of my grandbaby?


> In despair, I cried to God. “Why is this happening? I CAN’T be permanently

> blinded!”


> I’d become very skittish about anything coming near my eyes. I soaked the

> examining chair with perspiration during each doctor visit, so you can

> understand my reaction when the surgeon announced he would cut my cornea, lift

> it, and clean under it. I told him, “I’d rather have my legs amputated!”




> I’d heard courage is fear that’s said its prayers. I knew many people

> praying for me. I too begged God, not only for healing, but for strength to

> endure whatever happened.


> While lying awake one night, I listened to an all-night TV station playing

> gentle music as a man read Bible passages. Like a fountain of fresh water,

> God’s Word, combined with the soothing music, rinsed away my anxiety replacing

> it with peace. I was reminded of the words of Jesus: “Do not let your hearts

> be troubled and do not be afraid.”


> I gave my fears to God and determined to believe in His love for me. If He

> chose to heal me, I would be grateful. If He chose not to, He had a reason

> for that, too.


> The surgery went well and my world grew brighter. It was a long recovery, but

> I defied all odds.


> Afterwards, my doctor said he’d never believed I would see again. Now we both

> believe in prayer and miracles.